Does a cloud fear a cannonball?

What if the other refuses to go along? What if your gentle probes for details evoke only sloganistic vituperation and personal attacks? First, always remember the audiences. Your respectful, substance-oriented approach will appeal to them. Certainly they will not be moved by the character assassination and sloganeering of the other. As for the other, there are certainly cases in which nothing you do will have any effect. However, at least sometimes anger and personal attacks and sloganeering come from or are strengthened by fear. At a minimum you have not fed the fear by being aggressive and insulting; and having had this experience the other may someday behave better. Or not.

You can be invulnerable to attacks, or nearly so. There are two ways of being invulnerable: “Invulnerable” means “can’t be wounded.” People often think that powerful shields or armor give invulnerability. But if you hit a knight with a cannonball the knight is at least knocked off his horse. Here is another perspective: In World War II in the Pacific theater some light warships directly confronted a powerful Japanese fleet. The enemy guns had shells specially designed to destroy heavily armored targets - with amazing precision the shell would first hit the armor, starting a timer. Then a tiny bit later the timer would set off the explosive, inside the ship that had been hit (instead of on the armor). Some of these shells went straight through the tiny ships causing only minor damage, because the target's armor was so thin that the shell didn’t register that it had hit anything, and hence the explosion never came. (The Japanese quickly switched to a different kind of shell that *did* do damage.) But picture now firing a cannon at a cloud. Will the cloud be damaged?

The point here is that at least in online discussions the most effective thing is to become cloud-like. Let the insults and misconceptions and factual mistakes pass right through you (remembering their substance, not their tone, for future reference). This is easier than it sounds, and is actually quite a relief.

Pray for the other, and for yourself. Ask a particular saint to pray on behalf of the other and of you. Mentally step back and invite the Holy Spirit to fill the dispute space.

Let go of the idea that one must defend Jesus or Orthodox doctrine or Saint So-and-so from insults or silly factual claims. They are all experienced at ignoring calumnies or returning love for them and can take care of themselves. Focus on actively listening to the person speaking to you. (This blog series is aimed at Orthodox who in informal discussions are not acting in an official capacity but are just folks. It is not for me to advise priests, bishops, and others how to approach formal, official disputes.)

Finally, remember: “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.” (Mt 5:11) “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” (Mt 5:44) “If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.” (1 Pe 4:14)