Lord, love the other in and through me.

Any technique or method or behavior that can influence how another thinks or behaves is open to misuse. Prayers and questions can be weaponized. To do “leavenly rhetoric” one must love the other. It is difficult in a few words to tell how to love; but, having made many mistakes, I can point out some perils to avoid.

First, consciously maintain the mental picture that God is working in and through you. The good things you do are done by you and God cooperating, or done by God when you have the good sense to get out of God’s way. This perspective helps to reduce fear and self-centeredness. Will to cooperate with God and to move love-ward. Behave in ways that are low-key love. Stand aside and ask God to love the other in and through you. This perspective spares you from attempting (for instance) to manufacture loving feelings by sheer will power. It also has the great advantage of being simply true.

Second, eliminate your fears. Focus on the others. I mean this literally — move the attention part of your mind outside yourself. Pay attention to the others, listen to them. Be able to summarize what they say and approximately how they feel.

Third, do not trivialize the others, whether before, during, or after the conversations. People often retweet or share articles, jokes, or “memes” that trivialize others' position on a topic. Usually these strike down straw man arguments and were framed as either-or, black-and-white distinctions or choices, and are directed at people who agree with the sharer. They won't convince any opponent and instead will harden their opposition. The caricatures depersonalize and objectify the opponents, hence it is easy for the poster and friends to feel superior to them and feel comfortable mocking them — they are only stereotypes or cardboard cutouts, not persons. You can see how this frame of mind drives out love. The temptation to talk this way is especially strong when you are talking with those who agree with you, such as before or after the public conversations. Avoid the temptation. Repent if you succumb to it. This kind of thinking is very yeast-like, but in the wrong way. It will subtly taint your behavior and words. It is the way of the world. Avoid it.

Fourth, to love someone does not mean you ratify or justify falsehood or sin. If people violate terms of service with hate speech or personal attacks, love them but take appropriate action. Report them, visibly refuse to accept or ratify their words and actions, protect those who are under attack, perhaps redirect the attack to yourself. But do not take these actions spitefully or pridefully or vindictively.  

Think of Jesus weeping over Jerusalem. He doesn’t wish away Jerusalem’s sins, but neither does he rage at them. He weeps that beautiful, beloved Jerusalem has done these things. We need not actually weep; but it is better to feel sad at the perversion of another’s talents or efforts than to feel offended or superior. Our brother or sister, an icon of Christ, is doing these bad things, is turned away from what he or she could be doing. This is an occasion for mourning.